Random Sagittarian Bluntness: To the Ones Who Took the “Wrong” Way

Random Sagittarian Bluntness: In the End

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Chester Bennington died today.

By the time this posts, it will be old news–the conversations will have gone from a murmur to a buzz and do their trending and tweeting from one end of the Earth and back again.

People will wonder why, be stunned into silence, mourn, some will brush it off, and others will continue on without a flicker of interest.

There will be the fire and brimstone folks condemning his soul and others wondering why fame did not save him, as they swear it would for them.

Some will condemn him as selfish and others will speak on nothing more than the public person they thought they knew.

I did not know Chester Bennington.

But his voice gave validity to the depths of pain I have felt as a person who has struggled to greet the dawn on more than one occasion.

In this world of eyes front and behave, I found a quirky solace in his scream, because I have screamed like that on the inside, while going about the world’s palatable routine. While slipping beneath the surface of an ocean that only I can see, and fight like hell to tread.

I am not “lucky”, I am here. And luck, my friends has nothing to do with it. It is the conscious, daily effort to wake, breathe, move, and rinse and repeat those actions for days, weeks and decades.

All the while navigating judgements that you assign to yourself in the quiet of your mind, when faced with a person in denial, that you too have floated in the abyss for longer than you care to remember.

I have known too many who have found it better to cross than stay, and to them I say, no judgement. I only know the battles I have fought and no one can even begin to judge someone in a void whose depths, by nature are inexplicable.

I am here, not for any one reason, or because the life preservers I have been thrown are so much better, than the ones thrown to the ones who have crossed.

Or because I have mastered some guru-level of positive thinking, aligned my chakras just so, or have tapped myself into everlasting euphoria.

I just have remained. It deserves no standing ovation, medal or pedestal. But because I am here, put my hand on my heart and send love to those who could not go on, and those of us who try with every fiber of our being to walk in love and be love, even when love is the last thing on our minds.

I did not know Chester Bennington.

But I thank him and all of our other brothers and sisters who put forth what light they could while here.

And to him, for giving a voice to my dark night of the soul all of those years ago, when words and hope all but eluded me–helping me feel less numb and more like I still had my name, and just enough fight in me to continue on.

Love and light to his loved ones, to all who have been affected by suicide, and all who struggle with finding their footing.

If you can, remain. This world needs your unique shine. It helps the rest of us find our way home.

And finally I want to say,

In the end, it did matter.

And always will.

 

 

 

 

Image credit: Pixabay


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